For now I am just feeling lonely. I am a young guy in my prime and I have no woman whom I can share my time with.
Its sad really, cause while all the guys that act like asses get all the women and often dump them the day after, I would settle for an evening of just chatting, maybe watching a good movie, sharing a nice dinner or for that matter just a small chat at a local Coffee shop or something.
Don’t get the wrong idea, at some point even I would want sex, heck I can say right now that I want it, but I can also say that right now, the emotions and the verbal communication is more important than the physical one.
I am rather disappointed in myself for being this lacking when it comes to female companionship. All I want is someone to laugh with, and have a conversation with and that can connect with me as I would her.

Not giving up or anything, and quite frankly while I am depressed right now, I am also rather sleepy and I’ll sleep them both of. What I would like from tomorrow is a window of opportunity. I want an opportunity to meet someone, to make them laugh, and genuinely smile and have a light tone with them. I want an opportunity to go out and start that part of my life.

All I ever really want in life is someone to care for, someone that I can show with all my being that I care for them and know that this is returned. I am aware that I am not the easiest person to be with, I have my flaws as anyone else, perhaps even more so I feel sometimes. I am a weird average built, average attractive person. I am shy and I have a hard time opening up to people of fear of being hurt. It may sound stupid saying stuff like this and certainly I don’t act like I inspire confidence in myself, and to be truthful I don’t either. Confidence is an issue with me and it will show. Even if I get the attention of the most gorgeous woman in any room and she shows me all the signs that she wants me to come over to her I still wouldn’t have the confidence to walk over and talk to her. I’d end up standing there while some random guy that just wants to get into her pants swoops her of to the floor for a dance and after he talks some sweet words to her and in the end they disappear into the night.

I make it sound like I wouldn’t be like that if I where in that random guys shoes, but the fact is that if was I would likely be doing much the same. However I can luckily say that I am NOT that random guy. Not saying that I wouldn’t have a one night stand with someone if I had the chance, I would.
But I also know that I am not the type to just toss her out the next day after I have gotten what I wanted.

I have often tried to define myself as a person and see what sort of character I would be.
In my earlier days I have said warrior/guardian because I have always been protective of my friends because I don’t have that many close friends.
In my bit later days I have said to myself that I am a poet of sorts cause I always felt inspired to do things, to create anything.
These days I more than anything see myself as a lover. I love my friends and still wish to protect them, but to be honest, the people around us are always stronger than we like them to be and seldom need the protection. They can handle themselves. I am still creative, just not as active as it was back in the days. The ideas don’t just appear anymore and many sparks of things that could be seem to appear either to late or when I don’t have the time/ability to capture them and actually make them happen.
As a lover I have however seen that I can be both of the above and something more to someone special, but without a someone to consider that special I just feel a dark void forming where a great love should be growing. I feel like I’m dying all the time and it just hurts so much. They say that its better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all, well they may be right about that. All I can say is that not being loved back at all feels more painful than the worst pain one can imagine.

Coming from a guy all this sappy stuff must make me look like a weak wuss or worse I imagine. Especially in these days. But I can’t help it, and frankly I am not sure I wish to change it even if I could. I may be a wuss, but if wanting to be weak for a special woman in my life is wrong for a guy to be then I would rather be wrong than right. These days I keep hearing about women who wants their men to be more sensitive to their needs, and thats just what I am tuned in to be, but I can’t get an edge against all those guys out there who can get any woman they want just by being an asshole and having women all over wrapped around their little finger simply cause women want someone to change.

It does however make me think about what you women out there must be thinking when there is someone out there who does wish to be a guy for you, who is willing to change for you and who does want to love you and you choose to ignore him for someone who clearly shows that he doesn’t want to be changed or anything. I am not saying I would end up being someone who caters to a womans every whim, all I am saying is that I can show willingness to compromise and meet halfway more easily.

I am not a perfect man, not by a long shot. I said it already, I am average built, average looks, I am shy, weird and people do say I am weird, something I won’t deny by the way. I am especially weird, but harmlessly and most people seem to find my weird side funny, plus I usually have some knowledge about almost everything. Not that I am the worlds smartest or that I would easily win a game of Trivial Pursuit:Genius Edition or anything, I would lose badly at it.
I also hear bad so yes people do have to repeat things to me from time to time and that does happen a bit more often than I would like, but that can’t be helped at the moment (but put up with me for 15-20 years and there is a good chance I will have that problem fixed, and even if I haven’t then likely I will still have given you plenty of other reasons to stay)

I just want someone who I am attracted to, who can find me attractive and who wishes to spend time with me and find me funny as I would find her lovable.